Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Tassel-Lerin's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, March 30th, 2006
1:14 am	On some days it seems that all the elegance and grace has gone out of existence, does no one appreciate beauty anymore. No class, no standards, a complete lack of respect for ones self. Such foolery. How any being can treat its self with such a lack of respect sickens me. To be so manipulated by one who gives claim to love, and for as hideous and as lacking of elegance as love can be it is also a cause of such beauty, it is practically a crime. It should be a crime to disgrace such a wonderfully beautiful thing. No respect, none, I cannot condone such actions. Although I fully approve of the pliable minds of the feeble but to take such advantage of such a beautiful and wonderful thing is criminal. Fools should not be aloud to play with such a wonderful gift. If my darling son played with his toys in such away I would forbid him to continue. My lunatic daughters can take better care of their playthings than fool mortals and that saddens me very greatly. Oh, I am most lonely, I long for Kval, sweet Kval, or J. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
10:58 pm	The simple joys of life are truly the best. Current Mood: content (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, March 18th, 2005
8:41 pm	The television is upsetting me. Humans are foolish creaturs. (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 18th, 2004
5:27 am	What Kind of Super-Villian Are You? LJ Username Pick An Evil Number 66613957691.27 1/23.140 Pick An Evil Word killmaimbeheadmwahahasharkdemonlobsterbananaszoinkdie Pick An Evil Color blood redacid greenrotten brownpiercing yellowmidnight blueraven blacksalmonfusciacrimson You Are A Mad Scientist Your Evil Lair Is An Ancient Tomb Your Evil Name Is Count Devil Blade Your Nemesis Is mahryk Your Evil Hardware of Choice Is A Matter Transmuter Your Partner In Crime Is hot_pie This fun quiz by ezralitemikey - Taken 14543 Times. </a> New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice! Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 21st, 2004
5:56 pm	I think I am pleased with this... Your Ultimate One Night Stand... by crispnite LJ Username Favorite animal You invite over... They bring... You talk about... You end up... with a hangover the next morning Quiz created with MemeGen! Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Monday, August 16th, 2004
1:26 am	Suntiger my sweet Daughter Curin tells me I am far to still, that I am to willing to let time sweep over my, that I am content to look at the pageant of existence but to refrain from touching it. I was and still am surprised that she was aware enough to notice this of me. I so often belittle and underestimate my Daughter, but then again it is so very easy to do so. Her mind is simple and wrecked, destroyed by so many events, but even as tarnished as she is she still is of my line and occasionally her intelligence shines out from where ever deep in her psyche she has hidden it, to keep it safe. Oh little Curin, she protects me in so many ways, ways that I don’t care to think upon, but then I protect her as well. She was so kind to me this day, she brought scones and tea, we had a delightful snack and a nice talk, I even thought upon things that I long ago blocked from my memory. Current Mood: calm Current Music: Ermione Rossini (Comment on this)
Friday, August 6th, 2004
1:47 am	I was once wild and fae... I love thee, thy beauty I covet and choose, Be willing, my darling, or force I shall use! I would my darling daughters would keep from each other. Shadow is no good for sweet tender Rea, her belligerent ways and her lack of sanity do damage to the poor vampire queen. Rea, my sweetest child cannot protect her heart from a creature like Shadow. Shadow is to versatile for Rea to hold in contempt no matter what she does, how hurtful her behaviors and words, Rea will always forgive her. Poor sweet Rea, few would agree with me that she is sweet, not even her daughter or lover would call her sweet. But she is she is gentle beyond understanding, although she hides it well. Better than anyone should be able to hide their truth. Shadow needs to calm herself and Dagger needs to shorten her leash. As much as I adore my sweet little Shadow it is not wise for her to be let out by herself for so often and for such extended periods of time. Her control is slipping again and that can only bring trouble down upon all who cannot stand against her and some that can. Utella sat with me a few days back, when the murrain of my other self was particularly strong. She and Lerin have so much more in common that she and I do. When we became compeers, only recently had I been taken to live among the sages and I was more of a whole creature, Lerin and Tassel, were one unified entity. How I loathe the chain of events and the one who orchestrated them for making me what I am now. Are all those who are directly of my line doomed to disjointed selves. I am being unreasonable; my subaltern children are for the most part perfectly sane of mind. My children of rank, those who are important to things that happen all have great schisms within their selves. Am I so fundamentally flawed that those who are closest to me in nature and affection must me so damaged? And She; She my sweet Celestial love, the darling who I have held close to my soul and heart for so very long, is ever the sacrificing fool. I rhetorically ask myself why she does the things that she does, they bring her nothing but heartbreak. Every time she is reborn, she follows the same path. She is so very star-crossed it very nearly makes me weep, but I have wept for her so many times now, I don’t know if I can bear to do it again, although I know that I shall. My tears will be bitter but I will wear her ashes again I’m sure. This foolish dance with fate, this futility, why do I agree to perform with her, I have the strength to refuse but I never do. Perhaps I do not have the strength to go against her wishes after all. Is her desire truly my law? Sometimes I am so pathetic. I long for Kval and Len, but I am too timid to seek them out at this time. Sometimes my feebleness knows no bounds. I am such a coward that I cannot reach out and grasp what I desire most. I fear that I shall destroy what I think I can make perfection so I will instead do nothing at all and all chances shall pass me by. My Daughter is partially dormant, I do give orison that she remains in this state for a good amount of time, and I am not able to deal with her antics for the time being. I would that the foolish silence between my Son and his Wife would end, it is a cumbersome situation, I act as intermediary or poor deranged Shadow delivers missives from one to the other. This game is foolish and does nothing at all, it dose not please them and it does not please others. They are miserable with this situation for they have such adoration for each other. When their love was new, they gazed at each other with such starry eyes. They had and most likely still do have such a pure affection and love that even the most cynical of entities were moved by the emotion. And yet they drag on this meaningless farce, for what gain. Were I of a more aggressive temperament I would shake him, demand he see sense, and take up his beloved again. Let things be right in the universe of their love. I long for companionship. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: The Devil's Wall :: Smetana (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
2:43 am	I have been neglectful of this journal for far too long. I offer apologies. I'm sure that few read this and that fewer still are interested in my goings on, but still I shall endeavor to update this web-journal more often. It is still soothing to me. All I can offer as way of my long neglect is a mental murrain. It is no great reason but it is all I have. I have not been myself of late and all those who have had to put up with my behaviors I hope that I shall be forgiven for my bad form. Sometimes things happen that are both within and out of one's own personal control all at the same time. It is a most upsetting feeling to have. The divide within myself has become more pronounced. Gentle Shadow has tried to be helpful but her is in so many ways a simple creature. She doesn't understand complex situations. At least not as the one that has stricken me. The poor child only wants to help, and I would that she could. I can offer her so little comfort, and I do long to ease her suffering of the things she cannot change. My lady is still such a martyr. And I long for the passionate embrace of those who I adore. Current Mood: peaceful (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 21st, 2003
2:45 am	What type of Bishounen are you? Find out at artificial-soul.net by Rin. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
12:55 am	On occasion I am known to be forgetful of things that might or might not be important. This journal is one of those things. I am truly revolted by this "voyeuristic" tv, but I watch on. Boy Meets Boy must be the single most tragic and horrid thing I think I've ever encountered. Dreadful. It fills me with grief to know that tv programing has no art to it anymore. I am ashamed. I will find who is responsible for this abortion and harm them greatly. I think I will blame Shadow or Mahryk. I don't think I've ever ridden a horse. I've taken many a beast and not one of them has been a horse. I've been longing for the company of Tavain of late but he has so many duties to attend. I know and understand this but truly, I greatly desire his companionship. He is sweet and kind and always a pleasure to be around. Never once have I had reason to complain of him. Sometimes I fear that he does ignore me of late. Is this my own insecurity speaking, or might it be truth. If I ever manage to catch up with him I shall inquire. I long for Kval's companionship in all the ways I enjoy it but I have been absent for so long I do not feel that I should approach. Would my presence be desired by him, would I be spurned? I should not dwell on such things, I should simply act but I do not. I will think further on it. I am also told I think to much on things. Is this my strength. I should like to think so. As it seems I have done little other than whine so far through out this entry I shall end with more complaints. This chai I have weak and unpleasant. The milk in this house is all fat free or one percent. Why do people alter something as fine as whole milk, or any foods for that matter. The taste is false and unpleasant. I do not enjoy these altered foods. It is not the way they should be. Current Mood: restless Current Music: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 14th, 2002
7:52 pm	and in addition I miss Kval. (Comment on this)
7:20 pm	athanasia It has been far to long from when I last wrote and yet it seems as if no time has past at all. I have spent so long in thought it is nice to do something as simple as write a short passage that I am sure that none shall read. Little Shadow has been changing, the changes are more drastic now, she still suffers from shift induced MPD but that is the only time her personality will shift now. Rarely does she loose all bearing of what is going on around here, and more often than not now she is well ancored in reality. It is making her much easier to be around. My younger self has sucecefully blocked my mind from hers so I have no idea what she is doing, and I'm not curious enough yet investigate. Tavain... my poor son is feeling the pull that all of his kind do near the end of an era. I would that I could ease his suffering but sadly I cannot, at least I know that it is not his time yet so his pain will be breif and non-existant compared what it could be. hm. I realize that I have written little of myself this time, and I think I shall keep it that why for I am not in the mood to be writing of my self. Current Mood: amused Current Music: Social Distortion (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 30th, 2001
11:37 pm	si una eademque res legatur duobus, alter rem, alter valorem rei, et cetera I have her and yet I do not, her love is mine, I do beleive and yet still she is not, always a martyr she is. No point to what she does and yet she does it still. But then I will wait untill the ends of time and existance for her to be able to see that. Waiting quietly on the sidelines, watching. Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Last Evolution :: Utena (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 5th, 2001
8:47 pm	She has reincarnated again. I felt it. I know that it is her, no one else has ever felt like that. My gentle goddess has begun to live again. I have waited so long to feel her aura, to know her presence. Will she seek me out. Will she be similar to what she once was, or is she something else entierly. while I was in the void my thoughts would often be of her. Now that I have Kval will me passion for her be the same, will it be dampened or will it be fanned. It would be easy enough for me to find this out, but I will not do that, I will let things play out as they will, with out my knowlage of what will be. Shadow's nature is changing slightly. She's become.. .it's hard to discribe... more... freindly almost. But that is not a good discription of it. She lets more things afect her... I think that would be closer. Several of the manisfestations of eternity are very fond of her. Crystal Medea wants to name Shadow as her child. I wonder what will happen if she does. Crystal has been long pressed to name her heir, and if that heir is Shadow, I wonder how the court of Illusions will take it. They are very keen on not letting "outsiders" in. I doubt it will matter to them that Shadow is what ever she has a want to be. Oh, Lesmar is displeased with me, I do find that ammusing. Current Mood: lethargic Current Music: Fox Woman (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 22nd, 2001
1:06 am	Burning, Freazing Skaulding, Pruinose I want to write so very badly, I need to I want to I have to but I cannot even fathom how I should start. I feel ill, and yet I know that I am healthy. I do not know how to deal. Everything that was said I had known, but yet hearing it... from his own lips somehow has had this devastating effect on me. ...wet... I'm crying again. I don't want to... stop crying Lerin. Please Lerin don't cry... I remember when Zarava said that to me when I was younger... I remember him lightly holding my hands, looking at me with his large gold/green eyes, he himself nearly crying. Funny to think of that now. I haven't thought of Zarava for so very long. I think I miss him sometimes. He was a sage with me, well he wasn't a full sage, a lesser one, a sage of art and war. He trained under myself and Utella for many years, he was a child to Utella, and probibly one of the people I was with for the longest. I hope he's well, he was always so gentle and kind, one of the most loving people I have ever meet. I can't take this... Jeffy... please... I need to see you now... J... J... please... come to me... Just for a fleeting moment... only an instant... that's all I need... hold me... Just lie to me and say every thing is perfectly fine. Make my mind still, re-assure me of what I know to be truth. Maybe you sweet princess would be better suited to this task. Would you let me sit at your feet and rest my head on your lap if I was to cry. Could you reassure me. Fair Eternia... beautiful beautiful 'Ternia. I cannot do this. I cannot. (And 'sad' does not begin to describe the emotion that I feel right now) Current Mood: sad Current Music: Tales of innocence :: Gitane Demone (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 26th, 2001
1:05 am	I dance in the rain. A cold rain fell upon my skin, wetting my flesh and hair. It clung to my eye lashes and kissed my face delicatly. It's beautiful, silky, perfect. Art, pure and wonderful, infused with loving awe and glory. Everything that was needed and nessisary when the lighting snaked it's way throught the sky, illuminating the darkened surroundings making the ordinary rain soaked forest into something new and mysterious, mytical, fae and wild. Nothing like it normaly is. Like a surreal paiting, a flash, bright, showing all but barly are you able to take it all in in that ever so short period of time. Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: Beautiful :: Sakamoto Miyu (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 16th, 2001
8:09 pm	let not the winds blow upon us Shadow is resting her head in my lap as a run my fingers through her bright colored hair. She's happy and purring softly. She can look so very innocent when resting. Not at all like the creature she truely is. When you see her like this it is easy to see how gentle and beautiful she is, delicate and sweet, almost child like. But when fully alert, it would be hard to think her any of those things. But I don't mind, it doesn't matter to me what she's like when not resting here with me. I was out with Rea a few days before. She was speaking of her cause, the cause that her mother had thrust upon her. Lately she's become more and more dissillusioned with what she had devoted her life to. I feel bad for her, the poor little darling. She doesn't know what to do with her life any more. She wants to live for Shadow, and for Rune, but Shadow wants very little to do with her, and often tells her that she'll be her down fall. Poor poor Rea. But I do what I can for her, as little as she might think that it is, but... then again it doesn't matter. My Daughter came by yesterday, as did my Son, we had a pleasent meal. It seems as if everything is flowing so smoothly latly. I like that, like a still pond, perfect as smooth glass. Wonderful calmness, stillness is an art that is so very hard to prefect. I intend to enjoy these moments to the fullest as I am sure they shall not last, for nothing seems to last for long anymore. Current Mood: satisfied Current Music: Memory of Fanelia :: Vision of Escaflowne soundtrack (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 5th, 2001
9:47 pm	your body is hungry because your soul had been sold This tea is too strong. It's almost offensive in it's strength, this is not to say that I like weak tea... I just do not like my tea so strong. I should not have asked Shadow to prepare it... She doesn't understand how delicate tea can be... but then that is due to her nature... She can apprtiate very little. The poor girl. But then I will happily drink this tea anyways. Because Shadow is happy that I'm drinking her tea. It's surprising what can make her happy. Simply drinking a cup of tea that she prepared. She can be such a perfect child. But then tea that is too strong and Shadow are not what I had set out to write on, so I shall stop that chain of thought. Two of my children and one of their dear friends (and myself technically) have started up a most interesting game. I watch quietly as they plan their moves. Everything so carefully thought out. Even Shadow is taking the time to plot out her moves rather than rushing in brashly and with out style or a plan. Tavain is enjoying himself so compleatly, this little game that I started up has become such a cause of joy for him and Lilium, I'm happy to see them so ammused. Lilium seems to be enjoying this even more than Tavain, and I didn't think such a thing would be possible. What is this game that so entraps my children and their friends. A being called Lesmar. He's well... to put it simpily a bastard. He's an annoying little twirp at times, and I feel bad for saying it in such cras trems but he not worthy of the effort that it would take for me to use more elequent language. A while back, in trade for a boy, I gave Lesmar three of my memories, the first two are compleatly pointless and he'll gain no knowlage from them and the third I have to him on Shadow's request so that she could play as well. So now Lesmar has these 3 mostly pointless memories that he's trying to gain some knowlage from. But then, Tavain upon hearing what I'd done, decided that he too would have some fun with Lesmar, and he's been slowly befriending him, to what end I know not, but I do know he gets a good amount of joy from making him uncomfortable. well, very recently Lilium started playing. She got in on it by being a "present" it's rather long to explain but now she's more or less getting Lesmar to fall in love with her because she feels it's "funny" and I have to admit, she's right, it is rather humorous. I'm not really sure why I bothred to write about this. It's just something that struck my fancy and I figured I would write about it. but then seeing as it has been occupying some time with in my thoughts latly I suppose that it is acceptable that I write on it if only for a short period of time. But then my mind has been strangly occupied latly. Thoughts I'd rather not be having have been making themselves known. Things I don't want to think about, things I don't want to remember, regrets, worries, concern... I once strove to be free of this all, and for such a wonderful dreamlike period of time I had succeded. Those days that nothing existed outside of myself, when I was able to doubt my own existance, I remeber those days with such bitter fondness. I remember those trance-like times passing with such ease, I could even be roused by the antics of Jeffy or Curin. And now here I am, fully aware again, feeling that I both do and don't want to experiance. I adore being with darling Kval and Len, and I'm so very pleased with how I feel about them, but now, once again other feelings stir, ones I want nothign to do with. The ones I had sought to be rid of. But then I suppose that I can never be rid of anything that was once a part of me, because as much as every thing changes, nothing will ever matter or change. Oh, this tea just keeps getting worse, next time I think I will prepare the tea to avoid this, or maybe I will have my Little Princess come to visit, it would be wonderful if she could teach Shadow how to prepare tea. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Ride :: Switchblade Symphony (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 27th, 2001
9:16 pm	I sit here, alone, contemplating everything. Well, not everything, infact I'm contemplating surprisingly little. The two who would have liked to have as my successors. They are both dissapointements and my greatest joy. Strange how they are both. But on an entierly different note, sweet eternity, Mahryk and Len are hot togeather. I have such shame for saying this, but watching them togeather, well, so wonderful. It's such a pleasure to watch, expecaily with darling Kval with me. It's almost a shameful pleasure to be watching them, but then, it's nothing I haven't seen before. But being in the same room is a very different thing that watching from afar. The scent is so... delectible, as is Kval, wonderful wonderful Kval. ... Oh, I think I shall stop this now, before it becomes inapropriate. ^_^ Current Mood: enthralled Current Music: Into The Hands of the world ::Utena (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 29th, 2001
1:15 am	in oblivion I rest an eternity of nothingness envelops us all and kisses our emptyness. It's beautiful. love it and worship it. it's all you'll ever know. the bitter sorrow will never leave your wilted self. it will allways rest with in you, making your light dark, and your truth lies. And you will be glad for this. It will be everything to you. But it will be nothing, because none of this is real. It's all a lie, just like everything else. I hope you enjoy your lie. Mahryk. You are more my truth that Jeffy is. Did you know that. Did you want to know that. I am as I always have been. I am not so blind as to be delusional. at least not about this. I hold this as my only truth. That in my deepest recesses, of my twisted and warped mind, that I am as I always have been. Current Mood: blank Current Music: Toki ni Ai Wa :: Utena (1 Comment |Comment on this)